


it's been

by snugglesiwthluke



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Clemmings, M/M, Muke - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-23
Updated: 2014-06-23
Packaged: 2018-02-05 22:50:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1835077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snugglesiwthluke/pseuds/snugglesiwthluke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Luke would never forget the day he met Michael, that day was possibly the best and worst day of his life.."</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's been

**Author's Note:**

> This mentions suicide and self harm.

 

It's been

-809 days since I met you

Luke would never forget the day he met Michael, that day was possibly the best and worst day of his life. Luke was walking to school, when he bumped into something. That something was actually a someone. It was a purple haired boy, with green eyes and a pretty smile. Luke quickly apologized to the boy, but he wanted to say more. The boy was intriguing, and Luke wanted to get to know him. He wanted to know everything about him, his favorite song, the way he likes his coffee, how he looks when he's focused on something. Luke wanted to know it all. But, Luke said nothing and silently stood there debating if he should just walk away or not. Luke finally worked up the courage to say something, and before he knew it, he was two classes late for school. Luke didn't mind one bit.

 

-748 days since you told me you were depressed

It was a Saturday, Luke remembers very well. Michael was over at his house and they were sitting on his couch watching a movie. Michael had been awfully silent for most of the day and Luke kept questioning him why but Michael would only shrug. Once the movie was over, Luke put on a tv show for them to watch. Halfway through the show, Luke heard sniffling. He turned over to look at Michael, who was now crying. Luke moved over closer to Michael and threw his arms around him. "whatever it is, it'll be okay" Luke kept whispering, as Michael cried into his shoulder. It took Michael a while, but he had finally calmed down. Without saying anything, he rolled his sweater up and showed Luke his cuts. He didn't have to say anything, Luke knew what he was trying to tell him.

 

-704 days since your first suicide attempt

Luke got the phone call at two in the morning from Michael's best friend Calum. At first he thought he was still asleep, having some awful nightmare. But he could hear the panic and urgency in Calum's voice and he knew this was all too real. Luke fought back tears as he quickly got out of bed and ran to Michael's house. Calum let him in when he got there, and he explained to Luke how he'd found Michael in the washroom with pills. Luke walked into the living room after he'd finished talking to Calum and saw Michael laying on the couch sleeping. Luke sat down next to him and rubbed his back, he felt tears coming down his face and this time he let himself cry.

 

-682 days since you crashed your car

It was a Sunday when it happened, it was late in the afternoon. Luke was working on some homework, but his mind kept wandering off to Michael. He hadn't heard from Michael all day, which worried him. He was always worried about Michael though. Minutes later, his phone rang. Luke quickly answered it, hoping it was Michael. It was. "Luke" Michael kept saying over and over again. He sounded distraught. "what? what's wrong?" Luke asked, panicked. "I crashed my car, I drove into the bridge Luke, It was dumb and I don't know why I did it, well I do know why. I wanted to die, but I didn't die Luke, I didn't even get badly hurt. My car is just crashed and I'm stuck here, alive. Why can't I just die Luke? I don't want to be here. I'm going crazy" Michael told him, now crying. Luke bit his lip, holding back tears. It hurt knowing Michael felt that way. Michael told him where he was and Luke was there in ten minutes. Luke took Michael home, and held him the whole night.

 

-641 days since your second suicide attempt

When Luke got this call from Calum, he instantly knew what it was about. Calum only called him this late when something was wrong with Michael. It was a bit after three in the morning, and Luke felt sick when Calum told him what happened. Michael was at the bridge a few blocks away from his house. He was planning to jump. Luckily he had been stopped, but that didn't stop Luke's worry. He ran out of his house and to the bridge. Michael was wrapped under a blanket, sitting on the side of the street. Calum, and his friend Ashton were sitting by Michael. They were all silent, and they all were shaking. Luke made his way over to Michael and Calum and Ashton left so he could talk to Michael privately. But Luke couldn't talk, he had so much he wanted to tell Michael but he couldn't find the strength to say anything. So, instead of talking, he wrapped himself under the blanket beside Michael and nuzzled his nose in Michael's neck, grabbing his hand.

 

-632 days since you rang me drunk

When Luke got this call, it was nine at night. He'd been watching some movie when his phone rang, and he was surprised when he saw it was Michael calling. Michael didn't usually call him until later at night when he couldn't sleep. But Luke quickly answered the phone, wondering if something was wrong. When he answered the phone, he heard Michael breathing heavily. "Mikey, are you alright?" Luke asked. When Michael replied, his words were slurred and Luke could tell he was drunk. "I've been running" Michael told him. Luke nodded, though Michael couldn't see. He wondered why Michael was drinking, Michael never drank. "I just wanted to call you to say I think I'm in love with you" Michael said, words still slurring. Luke wanted to believe him, he really did. He wanted Michael to love him like Luke loved him. But Michael was drunk, and it was probably the alcohol talking. Luke didn't say anything to that and Michael repeated it once, in case Luke hadn't heard. Luke finally told Michael goodnight and hung up with heavy heart.

 

-631 days since you kissed me goodnight

now that I think about it, that was a kiss goodbye.

Michael called Luke the next day, and apologized for calling while he was drunk. Luke forgave him, Luke would always forgive him. They talked on the phone for a bit, before making plans to go out. They decided on going to a restaurant near by. While they were there, they ate and talked about things, Luke realized how much he really did love Michael. When it got dark out, Michael offered to walk Luke home. "that was fun, thanks" Luke said when they got to his house. "call me later, yeah?" he said before opening his door. "Luke" Michael said, and Luke turned around. Michael stepped forward and grabbed the back of Luke's neck, he leaned forward and kissed Luke. The kiss was full of emotion and when Michael pulled away, Luke was breathless. "I just want you to know that you mean a lot to me, okay?" Michael told him, he sounded as if he was going to cry. But Luke couldn't tell if he was going to or not, because Michael was already walking away.

 

-630 days since I lost you forever

Luke got the call in the middle of the night from Calum, he knew something bad had happened. But he didn't think it would be something this bad. Michael was dead. Luke dropped the phone after Calum told him and sat on his bed. He felt like he should be crying, but he couldn't. He didn't feel anything, he felt numb. He didn't believe this was happening. It couldn't be happening. Luke sat up the whole night, going through different emotions. He was in denial at first, he didn't want to believe he had just lost the boy he loved.

 

It's been

-630 days since I first cut

Luke had been up all night, going through different emotions. After being in denial, he was angry. Angry at the world, at Michael, at himself. After hours of cursing and throwing things around his room, he felt tears stream down his face. He sank to the floor, and cried. He cried for what felt like days, Michael was gone. He was gone, and there was no way Luke could bring him back. Luke had been crying for hours, and he was tired of it. He was sick of crying, so Luke got up and made his way to his washroom, he looked through all the cabinets. He wasn't sure what he was looking for. But he found a razor, and grabbed it. Without thinking twice, he took the razor and cut into his skin. It stung, but Luke didn't care. It was a distraction.

 

-628 days since my first suicide attempt

It had been two days since Michael killed himself, and it had been two days of hell for Luke. Luke felt like breaking down every minute. Calum called him every hour to make sure he was okay. Luke wasn't okay though, He was far from okay. Today was a really bad day for him, he turned on his tv and Michael's favorite show was on. Luke quickly turned it off, and cried. He cried because he'd never get to hear Michael's laugh again, he'd never get to tell Michael he loves him, he'd never get to feel Michael's soft lips against his ever again. Luke's phone started ringing, it was Calum. He ignored the call, and walked to his bathroom. Cutting wasn't enough for him right now, Luke didn't want to feel anything anymore. Luke opened his cabinet and got out a bottle of pills. This was the only way he could be with Michael. Luke's phone kept going off, but he didn't care. All he cared about was being with Michael. He tried opening the cap on the bottle, which was much more difficult than it should of been. Luke was so focused on getting the bottle open, he didn't hear when his front door opened. He also didn't hear when Calum was calling his name. He was so busy trying to open the cap, he didn't even notice when Calum came in the bathroom. "Luke, please. I can't lose you too" Calum told him, which made Luke drop the bottle and cry.

 

-626 days since I broke down at your funeral

Luke didn't want to go, he didn't think he could handle it. But he went, because this was Michael and Michael meant everything to him. At the funeral, there were tons of people he didn't know. He wondered if Michael even knew them. He sat beside Calum and Ashton, Michael's family sitting close by. Everyone there looked sad, a few of Michael's family members were crying. Luke was about to cry too. Michael's cousin was giving a speech, he talked about some good memories he had with Michael. Which made Luke think about his memories with Michael. Luke looked at the casket which was placed at the front of the church, and he started crying. This was too much. He cried, and cried and couldn't stop. People were staring, he was sure of it. But he didn't care, he couldn't stop himself. Later that night, he fell asleep wearing one of Michael's old shirts.

 

-303 days since I stopped writing to you through Facebook

Everyday since Michael died, Luke would go on his Facebook. He would check to see if Michael had made a status saying all of this was just some big misunderstanding, but he didn't. Because this wasn't. He messaged him everyday, telling him how he felt. He'd tell Michael what he'd done that day, and how much he missed him. He'd wake up everyday, hoping Michael replied to him. But he wasn't surprised each morning when he saw that Michael hadn't. Luke wrote Michael one last message today, he told Michael he'd always love him but he couldn't keep writing to him like this. Writing to him hurt. He felt his heart ache every time he checked his Facebook and didn't see a reply. He sent the message and went to sleep, crying.

 

-102 days since the phone company disconnected your number

Luke gave up checking Michael's Facebook everyday, but he didn't give up calling him everyday. He called Michael everyday just to listen to his voice mail. It was the only way he could listen to Michael's voice anymore. He dialed Michael's number like he normally did, but this time it didn't ring. He heard a voice that said. "this number is no longer in service" Luke felt his heart drop, and he felt like crying. He would never hear Michael's voice again.

 

-98 days since I've tried to call you

Even though Luke knew Michael's number was disconnected, he still tried calling. He was desperate to hear Michael's voice. But he didn't hear Michael's voice, all he heard was the same voice from before saying "this number is no longer in service". Luke sighed, and told himself he needed to stop trying.

 

-2 days since I haven't cried myself to sleep.

Luke fell asleep crying every night since Michael died, but the last two nights he didn't. He probably would of cried, but he'd cried so much he was sure he didn't have any more tears left in him. He still felt awful, and wanted to cry. But he didn't. Which was improvement, he guessed.

 

-0 days since I've stopped missing you

Luke may have stopped crying himself to sleep, but that didn't mean things were better. They weren't. Luke still cried everyday, he still cut, and he still thought about killing himself to be with Michael. Things weren't better, and Luke didn't know if things would ever be better. He didn't know if he would ever feel okay, he doubted that he would. He got used to this feeling of emptiness, and he was fine with that. It's not like he could change it. Luke missed Michael, he would never stop missing Michael. But he'd be with him again soon enough.


End file.
